Selfish Hedonist

You have got to be gosh-darn kidding me.

I clicked on cnn.com today and read what I'd hope would be a somewhat illuminating, although probably just distressing, article on what a faboo job Chief Justice John Roberts has been doing. The article was long, but it took more time than it should have for me to get through it, as I had to stop several times to clean up the vomit that I had projected onto my computer keyboard and screen.

Chief Justice Roberts wins early praise

Lighter tone, camaraderie at U.S. Supreme Court

By Bill Mears
CNN

Wednesday, December 28, 2005; Posted: 11:49 a.m. EST (16:49 GMT)

Chief Justice John Roberts is proving to be a thoughtful justice and strong, self-effacing leader, analysts say.

WASHINGTON (CNN) -- Court watchers looking for an anecdote that illustrates how John Roberts is doing in his new role as chief justice point to the "Halloween incident."

It was late October, less than a month into Roberts' new job, and the case before the justices was fairly benign: a discussion of state immunity to debt claims in bankruptcy proceedings.

Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg was addressing a lawyer when a light bulb 44 feet above her head exploded, raining down a tiny spray of glass and causing police officers to scramble amid the momentary confusion.

Justice Sandra Day O'Connor quickly figured out what had happened, telling the audience, "A light bulb exploded. A light bulb exploded."

Quick with quip

Then Roberts spoke up. "It's a trick they play on new chief justices all the time," he said, bringing huge laughter. "We're even more in the dark now than before," he added.

Maybe, but the new guy had lightened the mood with some quick-thinking, self-effacing humor. The arguments went on.

And so it has gone this term, where an atmosphere of practically buoyant camaraderie has drifted through an institution that prides itself on continuity and certainty.

And, other than a photo of a very thoughtful Roberts with fist tucked under chin and a few fluffy quotes from three people (one of whch was a former clerk for Rehnquist ("he looks really good ... breath of fresh air!!!!!"), one of whose job it is to impress the justices (his sole legal practice is before the SCOTUS, not that it means he won't give his honest opinion), and then this little winner:

"The change has been amazing, the justices are a happy bunch again," said one court official, who asked not to be identified. "They joke in arguments, they joke among themselves privately. The chief was just the type of man this place needed."

), the rest is out-and-out Hollywood fanzine crap:

By tradition, the chief justice speaks first in the conference, followed -- in order of seniority -- by the other justices. He addressed them formally, "Justice Stevens," "Justice O'Connor."

Then came "Justice Scalia." As Thomas related, the ebullient Antonin Scalia then spoke up. "I will always call you 'Chief,'" he said, "But for you, I'm 'Nino' and this is 'Sandra,' and this is 'John.'"

Those who heard Thomas' comments said the incident set the tone.

WHAT?!? Literally SECONDS of my life were wasted reading that. And then this:

"And he has become an attraction on the Washington social scene. At Vice President Cheney's recent holiday reception, the chief justice was surrounded by a large group of admirers, according to some who attended."

Oh, and at the very end of the piece, there's something about him only having written one decision so far, a completely innocuous one, and ... something about some extremely controvesial cases coming before the Court ... and oh yeah some guy named Alito or whatevs is tryin' to get confirmed...

You know, after careful consideration, I need to apologize to those of you among the masses who read this blog. Why, oh why did I subject you to such drivel? Such inanity? We all would have been much better off with another day off and then some good old-fashioned Friday Semen Blogging.