Selfish Hedonist

From the Department of Jobs that Make It Difficult to Hook Up at Bars:

From Milk Pail to Supper Table

The semen is selected by using an artificial vagina (a rigid tube with an inner rubber sleeve that's been warmed with water and lubricated). The bull is tricked into mounting a "teaser" animal-usually a steer-and an attendant directs the bull's penis into the tube and traps the ejaculate. Sperm is gathered once or twice a week, depending on the weather and the bull's disposition.

Here's what the artificial cow vagina looks like, by the way:

"And what is it that you do?"

"I direct bull penises into artifical cow vaginas in order to trap the ejaculate."

"I see."

"And you?"

"Administrative Assistant."

"I see."

"Yes, well."

"Yes?"

"Well, have a good evening."

"Yes, thank you. You too."