Friday, July 29, 2005


Friday semen blogging

Okay, I may be going a bit over the top on this one, but seeing how it was published in a major national publication, I thought ... what they hecky darn. WARNING: Only work safe if you work at an office that is big on intellectual freedom.

Money paragraph:
All the big players in pussy replicas and penis pumps were there, including Doc Johnson, California Exotic Novelties, and Topco, which garnered my award for most bizarre product. From its Boi Toyz line (marketed to gay men), the Squirter is a realistic rubber cock with a bulb syringe at its base. Fill the base with lube, and the cock squirts. There are other ejaculating dildos on the market, but this one comes with a special bonus: a complimentary bottle of semen-scented lubricant called Jizz. There are plenty of fragrant and flavored lubes out there too (like wild blackberry and bubble gum), but I had never heard of slippery stuff meant to smell like swimming sperm. A Topco employee was kind enough to let me sneak a whiff, and I can confirm a subtle, salty, and um, woody smell. Kind of like those smokehouse salted almonds you used to get on airplanes before they started cutting costs. It got me thinking: Don't you either want the taste of your honey's cum or a fruity flavor to mask it? And whose semen's smell does it mimic? I could have spent all day deciphering the hows and whys, but I had more stuff to see (and maybe smell!).

As devoted readers of this blog know, it's easy to joke about semen ... actually, VERY easy ... but this raises a larger issue to me of the ultimate in commodification - if our own bodily fluids are now part of the capitalist/military/industrial complex, then truly we are lost. What's next? Selling "fake blood" so that people can mimic the satanic rituals of blood-guzzling Central Europeans during autumn pagan festivals???

(Interestingly, when you google "squeeze and squirt" (the instructions on the aforementioned toy, according to the photo in the Voice) you get mostly stuff about hand foams and sugared kids' drinks. Huh.)

Interesting take on the evils of mass producing semen scented lubricant. The right-wing fundamentalists share your shock, if not necessarily your reasons, on this one issue.
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