Selfish Hedonist

Many of you have asked me, "Jonathan, why did you decide not to become a dentist?" For a long time, I was not able to articulate my reason. Now I can: so I'll never, ever be in a position to have to utter the following sentence:

"I have never injected semen in any patient's mouth."

Anyway, read the article, because it's yet another example of the lazy press and how much they love semen stories.

Former NC Dentist Charged With Assault In Semen Case

A former NC dentist was charged Monday with multiple misdemeanor counts of assault on a female

Charlotte, NC -- A former North Carolina dentist accused of using syringes to squirt semen into the mouths of female patients was charged Monday with multiple misdemeanor counts of assault on a female.

A Mecklenburg County grand jury indicted Dr. John Hall on seven counts of assault on a female. He was charged with assaulting six patients, including one of them twice, over an eight-month period in 2003.

Hall, 44, who practiced in nearby Cornelius, is expected to turn himself in at the Mecklenburg County jail on Wednesday. He faces up to 120 days in jail if convicted on all the charges.

Hall could not be reached for comment.

"We knew these indictments were coming," said defense attorney George Laughrun. "This is just the first step in the process. My client is anxious for the process to get started and get this behind him for himself and his family."

The North Carolina Board of Dental Examiners revoked Hall's license in August after six former patients testified in Raleigh that the dentist made them swallow what they now believe was his semen.

In testimony before the dental board last summer, Hall denied the allegations.

"I have never injected semen in any patient's mouth," he said. "I never would. I've got a 10-year-old daughter. That whole concept is so beyond me."

Police searched Hall's office and confiscated syringes after several employees said they were suspicious of the dentist's behavior. DNA tests on the syringes later showed they contained Hall's semen.

Associated Press

Not a bad article, right? WRONG! Once again, we have proof of the laziness of the press. Yes, this case is deliciously sensational, but in the past, Hall has come up with at least some kind of alibi. According to the AP's own report last week:

Police searched Hall's office and confiscated syringes after several employees said they were suspicious of the dentist's behavior. DNA tests on the syringes later showed they contained Hall's semen.

Hall said he was collecting his semen to track the side effects of a hair-growth drug. Potential side effects of the drug include low sperm count and diminished semen.

So the AP wrote as if it had no knowledge of what it wrote a mere 5 days before. Far worse, they were unable to figure out a way to get a "Rinse!" joke into the article.

As for the cops, this is clearly a witchhunt against a member (though not so proud) of the hair-missing community. All involved in this travesty should be ashamed. Unless he indeed is guilty, in which case: bring back the motherfuckin' death penalty for retards!

Speaking of retards, I have decided not to dignify Congress's action in subpoenaing Terry Schiavo by commenting on it. Just go read (as usual) Rude Pundit.