Selfish Hedonist

Okay, perhaps the more religiously astute among you can answer some questions for me. I'm confused about the internal logic of those who are spending so much time & energy praying for Congress, the president, and the Federal Judiciary to intercede in the Schiavo lunacy. Specifically:

• Why are they praying for humans to do something? Shouldn't they be praying to God to replace the fluid in her brain with old-fashioned cerebral cortex goodness? I mean, God is infinitely powerful, and all-good, and I know these folks pray for him to intercede all the time for stuff like the lottery and field goals... So why not just bypass the notoriously cyincal political process, have Jesus fix Terri's brain, and while He's at it, destroy Satan's evil minions here on earth?

• Will the parents promise not to say, once Terri Schiavo does die in a week or seventy years, that "she's in a better place"????? I mean, for fuck's sake, if heaven is "a better place" why the hecky-darn are you torturing her by keeping her locked inside that body of hers instead of allowing her to sit at the purfumed feet of Our Lord & Savior? Unless this is really all about their selfish-ass need to keep the daughter around to distract them from their own empty lives.

After this weekend's sorry spectacle, I realize what I really want: for CBS to do a reality show/Movie of the Week called "Congress: Shark Attack." Starring Sen. Bill Frist as the virgin girl who goes down to the mountainous Florida coast to defy her father's wishes, but doesn't drink or shake her booty with more than one guy or have sex, and thus is invulnerable to sharks ... Tom DeLay as the virgin-ish hard-working young boat leaser-slash-cocktail waiter who lures 35 sharks away from a gaggle of half-eaten college kids by sprinkling some dead fish around ... and Michael Schiavo as the hot-but-evil Girls Gone Wild filmer-slash-date rape drug slipper who isn't so invulnerable to sharks ...

George W. Bush, of course, is the lying owner of a competing Florida resort town who intentionally spreads chum around the reef in order to scare the kids and drum up business for his location, thereby condeming several nubiles to an early death. Because even no matter what, he's still a death-dealing bastard.